It’s spring and I’d like to say it’s my annual spring purging season but honestly it’s more like my bi-annual clean out. Ok let’s just say it’s been a really long time since I’ve purged the crap, aka evil clutter from my house. Plus we need some fast cash for vacation and now we have to hunt and gather all the crap and have a yard sale so we can make that fast cash. Going room by room purging stuff we don’t need anymore is such a high. Makes me as giddy as a young school girl. (Did I really just type that? What the hell is wrong with me?)

 Then  it’s time for the dreaded organizing of all the clutter in one spot of my house and leaving it there like a wicked step sister that no one wants till yard sale day. This is often dangerous because certain people in my house (who shall remain nameless) may or may not take things from the pile and try to keep it. And because I live with a few rat packers, I often have to threaten those family members (I use that term loosely) that if we don’t give up the crap, we will end up on that show ‘Hoarders’. And we all know how those episodes turn out.

On the day of the yard sale we have to get up super early to begin the bickering of prices with professional yard sale crap buyers and annoying neighbors. I will repeat the phrase “look lady, it’s a yard sale not a department store” at least a hundred times. You can only imagine the almost fights I have gotten into because everything is not a dollar. Come on people. How else am I going to fund my vacation cocktails if I only charge a dollar for everything?

I will admit yard sales can be a great people watching experience. You meet new people and hear their life stories. Then you will  also encounter the crazies who will try to steal a 10 cent candle holder or let their kids break something and act like they don’t see it. I love the people who want you to “hold” something till they can get back from the bank with more money and never come back. Or how about the customer who comes back 2 weeks later and wants to return something. Yep. That happens. I’m all WTH?

 Later in the day we start packing up the left over stuff and there is always someone who will stop by and ask if they can have the left overs for free. They were at the sale earlier. Didn’t buy anything. These people wait it out. Never intending to buy anything. Just looking for a freebie. To that I say, nope. It goes to local charities where it’s given to those who need it. 

When it’s all over we count our money. If it’s a good amount it goes into the vacation fund. If it’s not a lot then we go out to dinner on it. The clutter is gone, and I walk from room to room burning sage and casting out demons from the old junk. Then I whisper, “this house is clean.” (a quote from Tangina in ‘Poltergeist’). Until next year when we acquire more junk and start the process over again.