7 Things on a Christmas List From a Midlife Mom

Dear Santa,

I’ve heard that your body changes every 7 years. So by the time you hit midlife, you’re a whole new person. And that means you want different things than you did in your 30’s – early 40’s. So I put together a list of things most midlife moms would probably want. Feel free to add anything to the list in the comments section!

*A Very expensive facial trimmer. Or gift card to have chin hairs permanently removed. In the beginning the hairs aren’t that much trouble to pluck. By the time you hit 50 you need a full on woman face razor or electrolysis to kill all the face hair. Nobody wants to feel like they are turning in the bearded lady at the circus.  Or worse, a female Chewbacca.  

*Readers. If you don’t have 15 pairs of readers all over the house, are you even in midlife? We are tired of the old black or brown readers. Bring on the more expensive colorful glasses like from the company ‘Peepers’. We want to look stylish and hip. Not boring. Boring is for 30 year olds who are still raising kids and are just to tired to care.

*Gift card for a little face lift. (Warning: only do this if she has mentioned she wants a little nip/tuck!) Make sure to add a gift card for a full day at a spa also. If she has never mentioned a little face or neck surgery, do not do it. It could cost you your marriage or friendship.

*Top of the line mattress set. We sleep differently in midlife. It’s hard to stay asleep and when we do, we wake up stiff and miserable. A good mattress that costs a lot of money is the best thing. If we sleep well and wake up rested, the rest of the family will benefit! Trust me on this.

*Yoga gear. In this phase of our life, we want to feel better. Yoga is the ticket. Not cross-fit (unless you actually like pain) or kickboxing. We want to be more Zen. Also the yoga gear needs to match and be super cute.

*Alexa or Dot or some other voice activated thingie. We want to be able to order wine and food just by telling Alexa what to do. We’ve earned this right by raising the kids and getting them out of the house. Once the kids leave, who else is going to get us what we need? The dog doesn’t have hands so…

*An expensive hand bag. Nothing and I mean nothing makes a midlife mom/wife feel better than toting a nice, pricey bag to all our events. I mean you don’t want your wife carrying your wallet, keys and bifocals around in a tired old bag do you? If we have to carry your shit, then get us a great bag! 

*Don’t forget jewelry, chocolate, money, a new car, etc. All those things say, “Merry Christmas (or other holiday here) honey, you deserve all this and so much more”!

I know I mention that things need to be pricey. BUT we deserve it ladies! No more cheap shit!  Sure you can live with inexpensive gifts, but we did FRUGAL already. Back in our 30’s! Spoil yourselves or let your man spoil you. Be the Queen you know you are!

Cheers Y’all!


13 thoughts on “7 Things on a Christmas List From a Midlife Mom

  1. I totally agree!
    I only get one or two gray hairs sticking out of my chin, so I can handle the plucking. (but I would LOVE to hire someone to do my eyebrows!) And instead of readers all over the house, I have tubes of chap stick! I love me a fresh, moist set of kissable lips (for kissing the dog, what else?)

    Liked by 1 person

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