Why Can’t Humans Hibernate & Other Things I Need Answers To.

squirrels

It’s January. I don’t know any self-respecting person who actually likes the month of January. It’s a pure let down. Christmas is gone, New Year’s resolutions are already broken by the first week of January and it’s probably cold and raining. Thus causing the seasonal depression season. So, I ask. Why can’t humans hibernate? I mean we have the resources. Lots of food, heat and a bed. And Netflix for when we have to get up to pee and need a distraction to lull us back into “hibernation.”

Some other things I would like answers to.

  1. Where do all the Tupperware lids go?
  2. Why can’t I stay up past 10 pm anymore?
  3. What is in Starbuck’s coffees that are so freaking addictive and have forced me to spend all my kids inheritance money on Grande Cafe Mocha (HOT) with extra whip in a Venti cup?
  4. Did the people who invented Amazon and Target do it to be nice or to help them take over the world?
  5. How come staff at Chick-fil-a are way nicer than people at other fast food places?
  6. Who invented the PTA and how can we get them to stop asking for so much shit?
  7. Why don’t people understand that I am just kidding/sarcastic/maybe not kidding when they read my blog?
  8. How are bands like the Rolling Stones and The Who still alive? Yet the big hair bands of the 80’s are dying off so quickly?
  9. Why do women friends stab each other in the back then post on Facebook how we should all lift women up and add #womenpower to their posts?
  10. When did parents stop disciplining their kids and letting them do anything they want? Especially in public places.
  11. Why do some men still wear speedos at the pool/beach?
  12. Why are people getting stupider?
  13. Why is Vodka so expensive?
  14. Why do Politicians make money, yet we can’t pay teachers enough to put their lives on the line everyday to try to teach our kids not to be as stupid as their parents?
  15. Margaritas. Frozen or on the rocks?

I’m sure you all have questions too. As I get older, the questions become more complex. Even google can’t help me anymore. 

Enjoy your January friends. Just remember, summer is coming. And if you are a freak who likes to ski and do wintry things, we can’t be friends. (JUST KIDDING). I still hate winter though.

Cheer’s Y’all!

 

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8 responses to “Why Can’t Humans Hibernate & Other Things I Need Answers To.”

  2. 1. All your Tupperware lids are in the back of my pantry closet. When are you coming over to retrieve them?
    2. Start sleeping late in the AM till noon, and you’ll be up after 10PM. Trust me.
    3. Cocaine.
    4. Amazon was going to take over the world till Bozo realized he didn’t do a pre-nup.
    5. They’re all born-again Christians. Bless their ever loving hearts.
    6. What’s a PTA? Never once went to any of their meetings.
    7. I’m hoping you get my humor also. Comedians are the most misunderstood people on the planet.
    8. Does Mick Jagger really look like he’s still alive?
    9. Women are the pits. That’s why I have no women friends. Men are so much better. Plus they pick up the tab.
    10. June 27, 1969. That’s when the last hippie bought a Cuisinart Bread Maker and became a yuppie.
    11. High school cheerleading chant: Hirrahya. Tostito. What you got in your speedo?
    12. Blame the PTA. See above.
    13. Russia.
    14. Would you want a politician teaching your child? Didn’t think so.
    15. Straight up.
    PS: I despise winter. I’m hoping climate change wipes winter off the face of the earth.

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  3. Love the thought of hibernating until Spring. Can’t wait for new flip flops. Bright colored toe nail polish. Preppy walking shorts – you know the cute ones with pineapples 🍍 in them. Something about the spring makes me want to buy new notepads and pens. So I’m with you. Winter stinks. Let’s make margaritas 🎉🎉🎉 Hugs Robyn

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