The Problems With Friendships

The Problem With Friendships

Sorry but this is going to be a rant day. I have to get it off my chest. I have to find a way to let somethings (people) go. I need to write about the problem with some friendships.

Let me start by saying I’m no prize friend. I get that. I didn’t get all the ‘best friend’ traits when they were being handed out. I try, but often fail at rising to the expectations of some people. I struggle with my mouth. It gets me in all kinds of trouble but my brain isn’t capable of stopping itself sometimes. I try to be there for people, help when I know I’m needed and I want to always be there for the laughs and the tears. 

I also want to be that friend that grows with you in the friendship. Not the one that has to walk away. But if my sanity depends on it, I will be the one to walk away. I’m getting too old for the bullshit in relationships.

I can’t read anyone’s mind. I depend on my friends to actually tell me if I pissed them off or said something stupid. And I’ll own it. But I expect my friends to do the same. I hate games. Unless it’s Candy Crush or Scrabble. Then I’m your girl. But head games and heart games are best left for the middle school playground. If you haven’t learned how to sit down with a friend, explain why you are upset, and work to make the relationship better, then maybe I have you all wrong. 

If you know me, really know me, you know I would never intentionally try to hurt, stab in the back, degrade or be nasty to you. I have no problem with confrontation. But relationships are not real unless you can talk it out and trust each other with your lives. 

I feel like if you don’t have the time to invest in the friendship, then you don’t want said friendship. That’s ok. I get it. But when I hear other women talk about their friendships and how so-and-so stabbed them in the back or they don’t know why so-and-so won’t talk to them, I feel for that person. I think we have all been there. But it takes some f’ng communication. 

This past year I have worked on myself to be at better person. It takes effort, time and tears. I’m not there yet but I will always keep trying. I have checked on my strong friends, reached out to friends that I know are hurting or I feel like they might be. I’m here and my house is open if you need to vent, cry, laugh, drink a cocktail or need help in any private investigative work. I’m your ride or die. But if you don’t need me, want me, like me, at least tell me why so I can grow. 

Sorry if this was a little out of character for my posts but it needed to be typed out and put out for the world so I can feel better about getting it off my chest. We ALL have feelings. All of us. Some of us just forget that part in friendships. I hope you all can do the same and check in on yourself and your friends. Just remember, if you are sad over a failing friendship, you’ve tried to reach out to no avail, you are not a bad person. The other person is just not ready for you. And that’s ok. 

End of Rant. Here’s a meme:

 

friendmeme
Found on the WWW

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21 responses to “The Problems With Friendships”

  1. Friendship deaths are sad and must be mourned….. but sometimes, they’re the only way to save your sanity. I think we’ve all been there. Some friends are lifelong…some come in and out of your life when needed. Some? You just have to walk away from.

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  3. I totally get that. Friendships can be tricky and sometimes we have to be true to ourselves and realize that they no longer “serve us.” I’ve been “broken up with” by a few friends. I’ve also walked, or stomped away myself a couple of times. I can’t do the one-sided friend, or the judgemental friend—actually can’t be around selfishness or negativity anymore. I’m at a point in my life in which I CAN choose who I want to spend time with. I think that’s what you are saying. Friendships can also be precious and those are the ones I continue to “invest in. Happily, you are a newish friend I want to share “fun and funny” and virtual cocktails with.

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  4. Not much hurts worse than to lose what you thought was a good friendship. I had one that I thought was solid, but when I had a rough time in my life, they bailed so fast and became judge and spoke to the jury about me like a juicy piece of gossip. In a way, it was a relief to know that I found out when I did, but when I found out was when I needed a solid friend the most. And there was another I lost in that fallout. As I look back, I realize they did me a favor by not wasting my time on being what I thought was a good friend to them. But…like bananas…they can ripen and become sweeter or they can ripen and become dark and distasteful. Yes, I used food in my analogy. Since that time, I have had others come and go, but I had to learn to allow myself to grieve the good parts and walk away from the bad. It’s rough, but I suppose it’s growing pains. I think I am a better person for letting go, but it does affect how I approach friendships these days. If I call a person my friend, my true friend, then they get all they need in a friend, but if they turn on me, I am more than likely going to walk away. I am too old for the drama.

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  5. The best hedge against the pain of failed female friendships is to not have any. What’s the problem? Can’t stand up on your own two feet? Must we always have some girl to lean on? If you need to talk your problems over find someone at your local church. It’s free. Need an escort or companion? Hire one. Need a confidante or a really, really good girl friend-type? Find a good man. Or better yet, a gay man. THEY make THEE best, best friends of all time.
    I gave up having female friendships when I was ten. I was out playing with the other girls on my block when one of them dared me to smoke a crushed (but still lit) cigarette. So, I did. Within a few minutes afterwards, these same girls rang my parents doorbell and told my mother they saw me smoking a cigarette in the back park. Me, being the good, honest little girl I was brought up to be, had already told my mother of the misdeed I had committed. Armed with that information, my mother told these catty little girls that she already knew what I had done and slammed the door all in all their little fuckin’ faces.
    Hadn’t had a girlfriend ever since. They rot.

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    • Loved your mom slamming the door in those little devious faces! lol I hear ya. Sometimes I wonder why I try but to be honest, I do have some damn good girlfriends out there. I just hate all the rhetoric out there about women lifting each other up when most really don’t. 😦

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      • Women are cats. They just can’t help themselves. Yes, there are some true loyal female friends out there, but they are rare. Treasure and adore them. I personally stay away from women. They were always trying to tempt my boyfriends. Even back in 2010 a female co-worker tried to lure my hubby away! The nerve of some of these women. Thankfully hubby’s my best, best friend. We had a good laugh and moved on.
        Understand women. It’s a sad case for us. Forgive them. We know not what we do is so awful.
        A big hug out to you today! Stay yourself but a bit more tolerant of the failings of we women.
        XOXOXOXO

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  6. I feel like you literally just described me & the last two years of my life, point for point. I had the exact same thing happen to me with two childhood friends that still have their heads in high school space. I have absolutely no idea what was said or happened. I know they were even more pissed when I called them out on it. It’s painful & confusing but you can’t force people to be mature or to see your side of things. Sadly all you can do is let it go. This is not the first time I’ve heard this sort of thing either. I think at this point in our lives we start taking stock. Some of us invest more into deep friendships & some do where they don’t have to make an effort or it’s not so hard. You & I appreciate making the effort. I myself have flown three times this past year just nurture far away childhood friendships. The return on the deep relationships with my females friends is so much more. Keep being you. I have friends like you. Everyone needs friends like you. We are good friends, regardless of what happened with the others.

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  9. I have had to let go of a friendship (with a man) recently that was pretty toxic and it was really, really hard. Sometimes I think the pain of platonic friendships can hurt more than actual romantic break-ups – but it comes down to knowing what is best for you and acting on it, sometimes that takes a lot of bravery.

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