Things That Keep Me Up At Night

things that keep me up at night

What really truly keeps you up at night? What scares the hell out of you? What keeps you going?

Lately, I’ve had trouble getting to sleep. My mind won’t shut off and I find myself staring at the clock and thinking about all the things I can’t change. Maybe it’s time to up my anxiety meds.

Having a college kid and a grown kid, I worry a tiny bit less day-to-day but then I read about the college kids disappearing and being found dead. Just this weekend a USC student went missing after getting an Uber lift that wasn’t really her Uber. She didn’t survive. They caught the bastard though.

Then there’s the binge drinking. I’m petrified of one of mine dying of alcoholic poisoning. Will they be smart enough to stop before it gets that far? Will they do something stupid on a dare? Will they drive tired and fall asleep at the wheel? Will they be in someone else’s car that ends up crashing or killing someone else? OMG! I can’t stop.

The bad thing is these fears will change as they get older untill we are worrying about our grandkids. Will I ever sleep through the night again? (Sorry new moms, I know you are gasping right now thinking about never sleeping again.)

What else keeps me up? DEATH. I am terrified that I will die from drowning or being burned alive. Worst two fears. So I guess it’s not death I fear, I consider death a great sleep. But HOW I die keeps me up. I know we can’t all go in our sleep with no pain. Ugh. But that is the optimal way.

Funny thing is I’m afraid of burning in a fire but I want to be cremated. I don’t want to take up anymore earth space. Just scatter my ashes over the beach. I don’t even want a funeral. Just some close friends (if they out-live me) and family on the beach, drinking cocktails and beers while they scatter me. Talk about the fun times. Play some 80’s music. Build a bonfire. Whatever. I wonder what people will remember about me? Will they say, “thank God. Now’s she finally quiet!” Or will my friends and family weep and wail over my ashes. (I had to chuckle as I typed that. We all know that part won’t happen).

The last thing that keeps me up is, what kind of world are we changing into? It seems so chaotic and mean right now. I mean change can be a good thing but it can also destroy the human race. I remember having a happy, carefree childhood. Now kids are stuck behind laptops and phones. They have too much information, way behind their years. They are becoming immune, de-synthesized to everything that used to shock us to our cores. What kind of world will be left for my grandkids? Will they be little arrogant assholes who only think of themselves and bully others who don’t think like they do or have the same opinion? Where is the love people?

Having said all that, I keep the faith that all will work itself out. That the real scary thing to worry about at night is weather I can jump in the bed before something grabs my ankles and pulls me under the bed to the depths of hell.

What keeps you up?

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15 responses to “Things That Keep Me Up At Night”

  1. I’m a chronic insomniac and used to sleep walk until adolescence. Everything…and nothing. That’s what keeps me up at night. No real fears to speak of, just the ridiculous minutia of daily life.
    If someone finds the brain’s off switch? Let me know!

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  2. Same stuff! My kids are 14 and 12 and I am so tired all the time, I have dreams I forgot to pick a kid up. I believe in taxis and friends to pick up. Something creepy about Uber and the teaching all my life about don’t get in cars with strangers. I graduated from USC and my college bound niece and nephew live in Columbia. Our hearts are heavy. I am kept up these days by making sure my 9th grader has his work done and all the JROTC stuff he wants. Is he taking the right classes, etc. Have I taught my daughter to be a warrior and stand up for herself. How much I hate middle school for my girl. Is it okay to chew another kid out for being mean to your kid? Why do they keep wanting ME to chaperone. I am not that nice! And my favorite is if I can sleep 3 more hours will that help me loose weight.

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  3. Oh girl…yes to all of this. I have a 16 year old teen driver female and this particularly struck a chord because the experimental drinking has begun. YIKES. communication is key and prayer! I have to always remind myself that God is in control. Ultimately any control I think that I have is merely an illusion. But that doesn’t stop me from parenting like a boss daily. Try to get some rest. Something I learned a long time ago and still practice is repeating this…God is alive and active. God is real. God is in control. God take all of my worries and fears that I focus on and turn my eyes toward you! The peace is overwhelming every time! xo

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  4. What doesn’t keep me up would be a better question. I’ve had trouble sleeping for years, and I have anxiety, and although they’re not directly related, one definitely affects the other.

    What did I forget to do?
    Is there a cat in here with me?
    Why won’t you stop snoring?
    Should we do our vacation in June or August?
    I haven’t finished the taxes yet.
    How many times will I wake up before morning?

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  7. I have anxiety so there are MANY things that can keep me up at night. Thank goodness for sleep aids. At least I know I’m getting at least 4 hours of snooze time. 🙂 I hope you’re able to find solutions. Not getting sleep can be a real humdinger! BTW, I love this —> “I keep the faith that all will work itself out”. Darn-tootin’ girl!

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