If you’ve been following my adventures, you’ll recall our grand migration from a house to an apartment a few years back. What was meant to be a temporary abode turned into a full-blown palace of luxury living. I won’t bore you with the list of amenities, but trust me, it’s a smorgasbord of extravagance!
Now, in any community, you’re guaranteed to find your cast of characters: the Karens, the fun-loving peeps, and of course, the psychos. And let’s be honest, sometimes the psychos are the most entertaining bunch! Lately, there have been more “I-hate-everybody” days than I’d like to admit. It seems like folks are embracing their inner evil-genius, cradling their spitefulness like a precious jewel. So, I’ve decided to share some tales from the Luxury Apartment Palace. Don’t worry, I’ve changed the names to protect the innocent… and, you know, to avoid any potential lawsuits.
Now, let’s talk about the “herbal gardeners”. Weed might still be on the naughty list in my good ol’ state of NC, but that’s not deterring some of our more adventurous neighbors. Honestly, one of them could probably finance a small country with their green endeavors. You can practically get a contact high just walking down the hall! And this is a four-times-a-day affair, mind you. But hey, you do you, Boo! Then there’s the car magician in the parking lot who turns his vehicle into a mobile smokestack at least once a week. Even with windows that could rival a stealth bomber, you can still see the smoke trying to break free. Again, no judgments here, just admiration for their dedication to the craft.
Now, onto the trash chronicles. We’ve got valet trash pick-up, which sounds posh, doesn’t it? You plop your trash can in the hall, and like magic, it disappears. No more treks to the dumpster in the rain or other less-than-ideal weather. But beware, oh trash violators, for breaking the sacred trash rules earns you a scarlet letter on your door for all to see. You might even face fines or, gasp, lose the very service you’re paying for. And just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, they change the rules like a game of trash-themed roulette. Their Google and Yelp ratings? A humble two stars. If your trash is too hefty, or if you inadvertently perform a breakdown box-ripping of the trash bag, or you dare to display your trash prematurely… brace yourself for a violation notice.
Once upon a time, we could stack one extra bag of trash atop the can. However, that golden era came crashing down after my husband’s brave attempt. Violation! Can you believe it? Now, I’ve taken it upon myself to turn into a trash-time vigilante, hoping to catch them red-handed (or should I say, trash-handed) for a little chat. I suspect they’ve received a memo about my impending trash discussions and now operate with the stealth of a ninja squad during their garbage pickup missions.
Ah, but all of this is just one reason in a growing list of why I’m edging closer and closer to embracing full-blown misanthropy. What keeps me from donning the “I Hate Everyone” t-shirt is the sanctuary across the parking lot – a bar, a true haven for the weary souls. On weekends, they unleash live bands in the open air, and we, perched on our balcony, sip margaritas and soak in the tunes. If the music isn’t to our liking, a simple closing of doors suffices.
Ah, the sweet symphony of life at the Luxury Apartment Palace! Stay tuned for the next episode!
Peace, Love, and Margaritas Y’all!
midlifemargaritas.com 