I know everyone’s been locked out of their house or car but today I was locked INSIDE my house. How did that happen you ask? Well my lovely friends let me tell you.
Today I had all kinds of plans. The Hubby needed to get to a physical therapy session and I was headed to run some errands. But no! Plan change. We discovered both of our precious children had left for work in separate vehicles leaving us one car to fight over. So I rearranged my schedule so the hubs could make his therapy.
All is well with the universe I think. I call one of my BFFs to pick me up because I have no car at the moment and she says she’s on the way. So far so good right? Nope.
As I come downstairs I realize I can’t find the house keys. Why is that a problem? Because when our precious children were toddlers we installed bolt locks on the doors so they wouldn’t get out in the middle of the night and runaway. You know those news stories where toddlers get out while the parents are asleep and they steal the family car and drive around till someone notices toddlers driving a car. Then social services steps in because you’re not supposed to sleep while having toddlers. Yeah. So we bolted the doors.
So apparently Thing 1&2 took the door keys because they couldn’t find their own house keys. Big daddy took my car keys (with my house key) and his own keys. So by simple math no longer being taught in schools, that means there are no keys in my house! I’m literally locked in my house.
So as I start to hyperventilate I text my kids with all kinds of swear words literally threatening their lives to get home and let me out. Then one child has the flipping nerve to text back, “what’s for dinner?” That’s the moment I decided to end it all. Everything. I was done.
Then the dog started whining to go out to the bathroom. For the love of all things Holy. Are you kidding me?
Thankfully my BFF showed up and yelling through the front door asked if I couldn’t just go out the back door. WHAT? Did she not understand when I called that I was locked in? So I yelled back that the back door was a bolt lock too. Then she yelled, “what if there’s a fire? You won’t be able to get out!” No shit Sherlock. Now I’m super crazed because I hadn’t thought of a fire! Meanwhile she bangs on a window so I will open the blinds so she can laugh at me.
Thing 1 arrives and lets me out. I’ve now calmed down. I’ve texted everyone there will be a family meeting about cars and keys. And everyone is grounded.
Then I’m on my merry way to a hair appointment. I get there and when I go to pay guess what. Can’t find my wallet! So now I’m on the way to buy a lottery ticket. My luck has got to change. It’s pretty safe to say I’ve earned my margarita today!