When Your Kids Ask Who Your Favorite Child Is. Don’t Panic.

I have a confession about this parenting business. Sometimes I rock the job and sometimes I suck bigly. But I’m always prepared when the kids want to know who my favorite child is. Question is, do you lie? Do you tell them you love them equally? If you are nodding your head yes I am calling you out on your BS. lol

No parent loves all their kids the same all the time. If you say you do, you are a big fat liar, liar pants on fire. I’m not saying you favor one over the others all the time but you know you flip flop. One kid makes your day miserable then he/she is not your favorite that day. You still love the kid but he’s got work to do to make the top of the pyramid again.

 It’s kinda like the Abbey Lee Dance Company (Dance Moms) reality show. Each episode starts with the pyramid. Abbey puts head shots of each dancer in a pyramid with the favorite at the top. How the dancers place depends on the last weeks competition and how nasty the kids moms have been. That’s how I decide my favorite child for the week. Except I judge them on how nice they are to me and if they clean up their rooms/bathroom (never happens until I have a mental breakdown over the mess then they might get it done so I’ll stop crying).

But I only have two kids, so for the pyramid, there is the hubby, the dog and their girlfriends. Some days I don’t even bother.  I bet you can guess the dog is my fav often. Also the dog’s headshot is the best. 🙂

I try to tell my kids I love them as often as possible. Because I do. But on the really good days I will text my favorite and let him know he’s my fav. I may or may not have texted them both that they are my favorite on the same day.

Here is a list of ways my kid can make favorite aka ‘top of the pyramid’:

1. Bring the laundry downstairs or at least get it in the hamper and not on the floor around the hamper.
2. To not spray Axe spray anywhere inside my house.
3. Let the dog out when his legs are crossed and he’s actually doing a human pee dance.
4. Feed the dog. Just do it.
5. Stop texting me “What’s for dinner?” everyday and maybe text, “I love you mom”.
6. Stop making me watch Bob’s Burgers just so you will spend time with me.
7. Take ME out to dinner.
8. Put the gas card back in my wallet after you use it so I am not stuck at the gas station digging through my stuff looking for it while my idiot light is on and I don’t have enough gas to drive home.
9. Backrubs. WITHOUT complaining. For the love. I am your mother.
10. Give me some credit for how awesome you turned out to be. So far.

Does anyone else have the daily mantra: I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids….?