What really truly keeps you up at night? What scares the hell out of you? What keeps you going?
Lately, I’ve had trouble getting to sleep. My mind won’t shut off and I find myself staring at the clock and thinking about all the things I can’t change. Maybe it’s time to up my anxiety meds.
Having a college kid and a grown kid, I worry a tiny bit less day-to-day but then I read about the college kids disappearing and being found dead. Just this weekend a USC student went missing after getting an Uber lift that wasn’t really her Uber. She didn’t survive. They caught the bastard though.
Then there’s the binge drinking. I’m petrified of one of mine dying of alcoholic poisoning. Will they be smart enough to stop before it gets that far? Will they do something stupid on a dare? Will they drive tired and fall asleep at the wheel? Will they be in someone else’s car that ends up crashing or killing someone else? OMG! I can’t stop.
The bad thing is these fears will change as they get older untill we are worrying about our grandkids. Will I ever sleep through the night again? (Sorry new moms, I know you are gasping right now thinking about never sleeping again.)
What else keeps me up? DEATH. I am terrified that I will die from drowning or being burned alive. Worst two fears. So I guess it’s not death I fear, I consider death a great sleep. But HOW I die keeps me up. I know we can’t all go in our sleep with no pain. Ugh. But that is the optimal way.
Funny thing is I’m afraid of burning in a fire but I want to be cremated. I don’t want to take up anymore earth space. Just scatter my ashes over the beach. I don’t even want a funeral. Just some close friends (if they out-live me) and family on the beach, drinking cocktails and beers while they scatter me. Talk about the fun times. Play some 80’s music. Build a bonfire. Whatever. I wonder what people will remember about me? Will they say, “thank God. Now’s she finally quiet!” Or will my friends and family weep and wail over my ashes. (I had to chuckle as I typed that. We all know that part won’t happen).
The last thing that keeps me up is, what kind of world are we changing into? It seems so chaotic and mean right now. I mean change can be a good thing but it can also destroy the human race. I remember having a happy, carefree childhood. Now kids are stuck behind laptops and phones. They have too much information, way behind their years. They are becoming immune, de-synthesized to everything that used to shock us to our cores. What kind of world will be left for my grandkids? Will they be little arrogant assholes who only think of themselves and bully others who don’t think like they do or have the same opinion? Where is the love people?
Having said all that, I keep the faith that all will work itself out. That the real scary thing to worry about at night is weather I can jump in the bed before something grabs my ankles and pulls me under the bed to the depths of hell.
What keeps you up?