Mercury in Retrograde means the planet Mercury appears to stop and move backwards from it’s orbit. This means during this time, all the bad things that happen, you can blame it on Mercury Retrograde. How awesome, considering we are in it right now till after the 2020 election. Terrified yet? I mean we are all getting pretty numb to insanity.

They say during this time it’s perfectly fine to go back to past projects or relationships. These “past” things are safe right now. First, who is “they” and what fool would revisit their ex relationships? It’s also been said this is a good time to fix what’s broken. Well we have just “fixed” Thing 2’s car for the umpteenth time. So maybe this is the end of the repair cycle for that. If not, the kid’s getting a scooter. The kind you push with a foot to get moving.

It can also be the perfect time to repair old friendships. You mean the ones that went to hell in a handbasket because of the 2016 elections? Sweet Baby Jesus, let us get through the 2020 elections and call it even. Or the friendships where you had to change your phone number and set up cameras around your house because they are a little crazy? I don’t think Mercury has anything to do with crazies. Just sayin.

Don’t go buying new vehicles, book a fight, sign a contract or launch a new biz. Just all around bad luck I guess. Well I guess Tahiti is out for vacation. Now I am wondering if this “science” has really been tested for facts. Or did some Soothsayer visit a local town and set up a revival tent. Maybe they had a little too much snake oil to drink and believed all this babble? Sounds more like a movie called The Hobbit. Or even The Ring.

Come on. It’s 2020 and I am pretty sure Mercury has been backwards since March. Between Covid, Fires, Riots, Hurricanes, (Do I need to go on?) and everything else 2020 has spewed upon us, we don’t stand a chance. It’s just the Shit Storm that keeps on giving. I mean it’s even scarier than Michael Jackson’s Thriller:

What’s next for this retrograde nonsense? Is there an asteroid on the way? Halloween is scary enough so what’s that going to bring? Zombies? If you all read my blog long enough you will know I am totally ready for the Zombie Apocalypse! I am totally up-to-date on my Walking Dead shows. I know how to survive and who I might need to weed out in the process.

I have heard a million times people say, “oops! Must be Mercury in Retrograde! hahaha!” and I just want to throat punch ’em. Stop it. Can we have a normal anything anymore?

To the Future, Please please consider leaving us alone for awhile. We have had enough shenanigan’s for a long time. We just want to walk around with no masks, see our aging parents and grandparents, see a concert or movie, visit our kids and grandkids and drink in a bar and sing bar songs loud and proud. Can we please have this in 2021? Asking for ALL my friends.

Here’s a little funny about Retrograde. Enjoy, stay safe and I’ll see you after the election!

Peace Love and Margaritas Y’all