I’m The Worst Mom. Christmas 2016 Edition.

worstmomchristmasWell it’s almost Christmas 2016 and I am still the worst mom ever. No Christmas cards went out even though I tried to get my kids to pose for a great picture. They were not corporative and after about 100 pictures I gave up. I hope my friends don’t remove me off their card list just because I have to miss a year. You know some people will do that to you. Bitches. The same friends who have perfect Christmas card pictures every damn year.


I still haven’t finished Christmas shopping. You know, before kids I could get the gifts bought and wrapped before Halloween. Now I can’t even buy a gift without obsessing on whether or not the recipient will like it or re-gift it next year. I lose sleep over not getting the right gift that makes me look thoughtful and wonderful. I bet if I bought everyone a gift card for a Honey Baked ham I might be more appreciated.

And my social media accounts are all funny memes and gifs. Or of my coffee cups, showing that I have no real life anymore. Other moms post beautiful pictures of their kids in fancy Christmas sweaters posing in front of well decorated trees sipping hot chocolate and smiling. Maybe I should just repost or retweet their pictures and pass them off as mine? Then people would think I have my shit together for Christmas and that my family was all beautiful and nice and happy. (Want to check out my Social Media accounts? Go to my “Holla @ Me” page..)

Then there are the moms out there making yet another year of wonderful Christmas memories. Baking cookies with their kids to pass out to their wonderful neighbors and sleigh rides and family ice skating events. Hell, I can’t even get my family to ride around the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights! We are so not making any Christmas memories. We haven’t even eaten a meal together all month.

Am I overspending for the holiday? You betcha. What’s a budget? Some moms out there  can find the right gift on sale or at the dollar store and package it to look like a million bucks. I do not have that ability. Why is gift shopping so hard! Seriously thinking next year everyone is getting a gift card to Pizza Hut.

But that’s not what the holiday is about. It’s Baby Jesus’s birthday. I mean Mary was the ultimate mom. She was a virgin for crying out loud and carrying God’s child! I can’t even feed my kids a home cooked meal and yet Mary was out there schlepping it in a barn with stinky animals around. Wise men showed up and gave Baby Jesus the best gifts and there was an Angel and people following a star all to see this Baby who had the most awesome mom. I bet Mary never even complained! Can you imagine me as Mary? Nope. Neither can my husband.


So I’m going to shut up now. If Mary can get through everything she did and her kid turned out ok, then hopefully I can get through Christmas and my kids will turn out ok. Although Thing 1 & 2 will never be kings or anything like that. That’s ok. Because their mom was no Mary.

Even if you are not a believer, I know you can still get the message here. I may not be Mother of the Year, but I’m doing ok. Someone else always has it worse but it’s all about how you handle your situation and never give up hope. It’s like a Christmas Miracle!

So Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. Try not to stress and try not to beat yourself up because you don’t feel like you have your life together. 2016 is over. 2017 is going to be our year moms!

Oh, does the liquor store have gift cards? Asking for a friend…

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