Hello My Peeps!
It’s 2017 and I can’t believe we are still alive. We did it! We survived_____________ (fill in your drama from 2016.) Excuse me while I try to get this left over NYE’s glitter out of my mouth, and from up my nose and yes there was some still in my underwear! But I had a nice semi-quiet evening with Big Daddy (who is sick and we had to cancel our plans) and lots of Champagne . I can still taste it. Oh wait, that’s because I am drinking from my NYE red solo cup that still had a trace left. Gross.
Anywho! Let’s get down to business. You’ve already read my 2017 goals post so this is kinda a follow-up. If you didn’t read that post, here it is:
Now is the really tough part for me. Re-evaluating what I need to work on in 2017. I’m in my late 40’s (little white lie) and I’m old enough to know that the most important things to me are my faith, family and friends. Lots of changes have happened in all of those F words. But one thing I am working on is Toxic Relationships. Yep, this one is so hard but for 2017 I want to make sure I am working on myself as a person and friend and weeding out toxic relationships.
What does a toxic relationship look like? Disclaimer: I am not referring to marriages or physical abusive relationships.
- The other person seems to “keep score” of what they do for you. They seem to expect you to do things for them. Like, they watched your kids for a weekend while you were away at a funeral and they hold that over your head. They want you to now watch their kids while they go on a cruise. The hard part is they think you OWE them this and are not asking out of friendship but out of ‘you owe me’. Does that make sense? I love helping out my friends but when you approach it from a guilting standpoint, I am less than enthusiastic to help.
- The other person seems bitter and jealous of others including you. They are constantly complaining how bad things are for them and they feel you don’t deserve your happiness. And it continues until you are pretty much tired of it and no longer feel sympathy for them. But you still feel guilty. I refuse to apologize for my happiness.
- They seem to always want something from you. Never want to just hang out or grab coffee or lunch just to spend time with you. Rather they want to meet up or call just for favors. Making you feel guilty if you can’t give them what they need.
- Your toxic friend wants to use your past against you. Maybe you confided in them in the past and now they act as if your past actions or secrets might be out for everyone if you don’t agree with them on a current situation. Bullying you with words like ‘hypocrite’.
- Differences of opinion. This one is tricky. Most relationships will go through times where both parties do not agree on a topic or event. That being said, most strong relationships can agree to disagree. But toxic relationships can’t do that. They are right and you at wrong. It’s almost as if they feel your view on the topic or event is so wrong that their perception of the person you are is now untrustworthy or invalid and they want you to know that unless you change your viewpoint, they can no longer respect you or your views anymore. I refuse to apologize for my opinions and viewpoints. They’re mine.
- You start to feel like these friends and family think you are unworthy of their friendship, they doubt your intelligence, they no longer have respect for your feelings.
Other things you may notice in these toxic friends and family, they are unhappy, self-centered, bullying, judgmental and are very harsh with you. And you start to think, “Do I even enjoy this person anymore? Do I even know them?” “Why do I continue to let them abuse me, hurt me and ignore me until they need something”?
Time to take inventory in your relationships! It’s really hard when it’s a blood relative. But honestly while we feel we need to care for and help our family, I think it’s ok to take a break and walk away. You can still pray for them or send out positive vibes in the universe for them but until they realize how they are treating you and apologize, you don’t have to stick around for the abuse. Harder than it sounds I know.
Toxic friendships are another ball of wax. First, check yourself. Are you contributing to the toxicity? Are you the toxic friend? If you are, then you need to apologize and see if you can work on that friendship. At least own your part in it. But if you are certain it’s not you, walk away. Walk away and don’t look back. Concentrate on your friends that are in your life right now that you feel content with. Work on those relationships. Express to those friends how grateful and thankful you are to have them in your life right now. This is one of my main goals for 2017!
Friends come and go. Some are around for a season, some are in your life to teach you a lesson or two. Some are for forever. Decide what friends are in your life forever right now and love them like crazy. Learn from the ones that you had to walk away from. Never hate. But let that shit go! Life is to short for the drama.
Let 2017 be the year you do good, learn lots, love lots and grow in your relationships. Let all the other shit go. I know that’s what my plan is. So now let’s hope Disney can come up with another hit song so we can keep from hearing the Frozen version of “Let It Go” in our heads this year.
Peace out bitches!