I just got home from an awesome beach vacation. I had the chance to relax and let the stress go for a whole week! Then I made the huge mistake of stepping on that damn scale. I gained 6 pounds!! How does that even happen?! And to top it off, I have zero motivation to get in shape.
Yes I know round is a shape but I’m not willing to give up my cocktails y’all. Can’t I just meditate myself to lose weight? I’m so out of shape that I could fail a sobriety test stone cold sober. Walk a straight line heel to toe? I can’t even see my flipping toes!
Someone suggested Yoga to help lossen me up and get fit. What the actual ____? How am I going to do Yoga if I can’t get touch my toes without sitting down to do it? So I googled Yoga for Fat People. Y’all. I spent the next hour watching fat people contort their bodies into positions that are frankly not normal. Unless you are in the circus.
Hell, if they can do it then so can I. I’m thinking of starting next week. But there are some things to consider first:
- I might need to try yoga at home with a family member close by incase I get stuck in some weird pose. Someone will need to be able to call 911 if that happens.
- I’ll need an expensive Yeti thermos to hold my Margaritas ( I mean water) and keep it cold to get through my workouts.
- I need to consider cutting back on my food intake (no more cheese and crackers with my cocktails).
- Am I mentally ready to get in shape? Maybe I should talk to my doctor first. However she may faint if I tell her I’m considering getting into shape.
- If all else fails consider liposuction.
I’ll let y’all know how it goes. Meanwhile I’ll keep watching these Yoga videos and see if I get motivated.