Babies, Bottles and Milk Maidens from Hell.


Hey Mama!

I’m giving encouragement to the new and expecting moms today. However, the older moms (like me and I don’t mean ancient) can chime in and give encouragement too. Let me start by saying, this is controversial and I know I’ll probably piss off some of you and that’s ok. I can’t make all of you happy. Only Margaritas can do that!

So you probably fall into one of these categories: pregnant, trying to get pregnant (fun times) or just had that baby. No amount of advice, book reading or research is going to match up to what you are going through. Just be ready for any and everything! My first question to you is; breast or bottle?

We all know breast is best. That is God’s/Natures way. No denying that. But it’s not the only way. Let me give you my story to help you understand and hopefully help someone who needs to hear this.

When my first was born I had all intentions of breastfeeding. But if that didn’t work out, I would bottle feed. No sweat right? Either or. Not so fast said the Milk Maidens from Hell. You know who I am talking about. Before you get really pissed off, I know there are folks out there that are advocates for breast-feeding and they are nice and helpful. BUT, there are some who are from Hell and you suck as a mom if you don’t breast feed. You are damning your child to a life of sickness and stupidity if you don’t. I know this because it happened to me.

I had just given birth (which the birth story is another blog post for another day with a broken ankle on dad and a 16-year-old driving me to the hospital) and was trying to breast feed my sweet skinny little baby. He screamed and would not latch on. So the nice ladies would come in and help me try to feed my screaming child. Nothing was working. And I was told it was my fault. I wasn’t trying hard enough and didn’t I want my child to be healthy and grow up to be smart? Never, NEVER go after a new mom with shit like that! Hormones are still out of whack, and the mom is either a basket case or a homicidal crazy person. I was trying my best and it wasn’t working. My baby became so upset he would hardly drink from the bottle I got off the black market nurses who come in behind the Milk Maidens to help you with the crying babies. 

However, he was big enough and only lost a little weight from not eating so we were still able to leave the hospital. Thank God! The next day we went to the pediatrician where more Milk Maidens from Hell tried to help me nurse my baby. It didn’t work and after another exhausting few hours the Milk Maiden left pissed off at me. Then in walked the doctor (cue angels singing). He said to me, “feed your baby, don’t worry about breast feeding, it doesn’t always work out and you are not a bad mom!” I heard what I needed just then. From a MAN! He brought in a few bottles of formula and a Milk Maiden tried to follow him in the room and he closed the door on  her. (My Hero!) And my child was so hungry at this point he sucked that bottle down and was happy. HAPPY! That’s all I needed. He ate from then on without any problem. As of this writing he is graduating college in just 3 years and is super smart and as good-looking as his dad too! We survived the Milk Maidens from Hell. They were not nice, they were abusive and wrong. Now, before the hate mail starts coming, I know there are good ones out there. Just make sure you understand that it’s OK to bottle feed and NO ONE should make you feel guilty about your decision. If they do, shut the door on them!

For the record, my next child nursed from the first second he came out of the womb. He drank so much milk from me that he also had to have a bottle after the boobs! I nursed that child for months before I decided I couldn’t keep up. He’s pretty healthy too! Not to mention my boobs are in the shape they are now because of him. (That’s another post too!)

So, moms, do what is best for your baby. Feed them however you can. Just feed them. Breast may be best, but fed is the key. Don’t let them go hungry because people are telling you how to do things. Your instincts will help if you pay attention to them. Remember, you got this!

Cheers Y’all!

4 thoughts on “Babies, Bottles and Milk Maidens from Hell.

  1. Yes, I totally agree! Breastfeeding is so specific to the baby and your milk production. Some babies just don’t ever really learn how to latch on. Others do, but your production doesn’t match. My issue was that my baby latched on immediately before the milk started coming in! Cue screaming hungry baby. An inventive nurse took a container of formula with a thin tube and taped the tube to my breast. Wonder what the Milk Maidens from Hell would have thought about that? Baby latched on and actually got some food, and screaming stopped. Yay! Then once my milk came in, we just did breast feeding — because it was easy on both of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! Great post from a great Mom!! So glad to be your husband. You did great and continue to be a great mom. So proud of you. Keep the post coming. Love you, Big Daddy.

    Liked by 1 person

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