5 Things to Avoid After Turning 50

5 Things to Avoid

You’ve hit the 50 mark, congrats! Life is awesome and you are ready to prove to the world you are still young. Great! But consider safety first. Your bones aren’t as strong as they used to be. Your mind is a little muddled and you can’t read the aspirin bottle without readers now. So safety is a thing if you want to be bold in your 50s. Here is a list of things you might want to steer away from.

  1. Vaginal Rejuvenation 

Ladies, your vag has changed a lot since your 20’s. Not as “tight”, in shape or as fun as it used to be. You’ve had babies. Or maybe not but still, your vag is in it’s 50’s too! Think about that for a minute. So naturally you want to “fix” it up. Sorry but it’s not a used car that you can just fix up and put back on the market.

However, there are surgeries that can help with peeing every time you cough, laugh or sneeze. And sometimes we have to resort to that. But I think we are way passed the stage of needing a sporty vagina.

giftcar

   2. Getting Pregnant 

This one is easy. It’s harder to get pregnant at 50 but it still happens! Even if you have been through menopause. If you get pregnant, your child will be 20ish when you are 70ish. Not to mention the pain in the ass of raising another child. Diapers at 50? Playdates with 20/30 somethings? NOPE. Get a puppy if you need that baby smell (puppy breath).  But if you get preggers, then so be it. Get a nanny.

preggers

3. Running/Jogging

Remember the knees ladies. If you hafta do it, wear a brace or something. Plus most of us don’t have the balance we once had. One major misstep and you are in the hospital getting a knee replacement. Just sayin.

4. Bar Crawls

Let’s stop pretending we can still go bar to bar and drink like we were 20 again. Leave that type of athletics to the young’uns. We can do much better sitting at one bar taking shots then Ubering home to watch Netflix.

women drinking

5.  Extreme Sports

Bungee jumping, skateboarding, scooter riding etc. Remember, your balance is already off. Why push your luck doing extreme sports at this age just to prove you’re still young? Embrace your age folks. You don’t need to prove anything. Been there, done that and probably have the crew neck sweatshirt to prove it.

bungee

I could come up with so many more things for the list but you get the point. Trying to prove you are still young isn’t worth the injuries it will most certainly cause. We are much wiser and should act like it. Don’t put your old bones in harms way and stay away from plastic surgery. Just ask Mickey Rourke, Kenny Rogers and Priscilla Presley.

Bonus Tip: Time to stay away from huge shoulder to shoulder tattoos, neck tattoos and ear gauges. Once you end up in the hospital for breaking a bone, you will have to remove the gauges and then you might trip/fall and your ear gauge hole might get caught on the door handle etc. and who knows what you will look like after that disaster!

Remember, age is just a number but bad bones, hips and surgeries don’t lie. You don’t need to impress anyone anymore…

surfingwomen

Peace Love and Margaritas! 

 

 

9 thoughts on “5 Things to Avoid After Turning 50

  1. Basically, take care of your body, but don’t do anything drastic to it? I’m with you on that. Now that I’m sixty I’m considering a neck lift. But, I really don’t have the cash and don’t wanna die under-the-knife in the name of vanity—so I’m working on duct taping the excess behind my (luckily) gauge-free ears.

    Liked by 1 person

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