Well this post is going to get me canceled for sure. I’m breaking the rules and calling out my sister “Big Girls” to stop trying to look like a 20 something fashion blogger and start looking more like a classy cougar! I know the rule lately have been to not body shame, slut shame or shame anyone dressed like a 1980’s hooker. But who are these rules for? People may not say it out loud but damn! No need to show all that God gave you in the parking lot of the local Denny’s at 2am!
If you plan to unfriend me or unfollow me after this post (all satire), please just do it. This is not Jet Blue so no need to announce your departure. I’m just trying to help out my sister cougars who may be a little on the thicc side. Just consider this a PSA to the PTA. (Yes I know it makes no sense but damn, it rhymes and made me laugh.
Let’s start with Thongs or Butt Floss as some call it. All I know is if I wore a thong, it would get sucked up so far up my butt that I’d have to call search and rescue to pull it out and, well that’s a NOPE. Butt jiggles because of thongs are cute when you are 20 and work out everyday. If you bend over and that thing breaks, it would be like a rubber band breaking and popping your privates creating more pain that birthing a big headed child with no drugs.
Crop Tops. Maybe it’s just me. But if your nipples are already fighting gravity and pointing down towards your shoes, then a crop top will look really funky with your boob shape. And if you move the wrong way, the nips will be showing while they try to grab onto your bellybutton for dear life. This could be potentially shocking to young moms who have no idea their boobs will turn on them eventually.
Short Shorts. Shorts that are way too short can get stuck under the tummy and/or butt cheeks leaving you looking like you forgot pants when you left the house. And they end up feeling like thong underwear. You can circle back to the thong thing above.
Plastic or Pleather Shiny Pants. AKA PVC pants. I can’t even. Big girls, this could be disastrous. First, you would need a friend to help you get them on. What if you are up in the club and have to pee? You can’t hold it like you did in your younger years. And peeling off plastic pants could be horrible. But if you pee on yourself, I guess it would be easy to rinse off and wipe down with paper towels. Those leggings would have been much better to wear out clubbing!
I hope you all know I am slightly kidding about the big girl fashions. I believe plus size women can wear just about anything as long as it makes you feel good and is easy to get into and out of. (But I’m serious about the thong thing!). I know so many plus size ladies that feel they can’t wear fun and fashionable clothing. YES YOU CAN! Just dress yourself up, throw on a little make-up, get your nails done and wear comfortable shoes. You can still be hot, sexy and be a sugar momma as a thicc girl. Look out Cougar Nation!
Peace Love and Margaritas Y’all!
Oh Yeah! I forgot, we just launched our Merch Store! Click on the “CLICK HERE” under the shirt: